ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ,-¨-. ___________________________________________________ _____ |¨-¨| /¨.-------------------------------------------------.`\ _=¨_____¨=_ | || Sal Stove 1st. Cost: 50000 GP || / /¨|¨|¨\ \ | || 200 EXP To go: 29478 EXP || \_ \_|_|_/ _/=| || This month: Explanations of Many Inside Jokes || / ¨=_______=¨ \ || Bonus Material || |_ ¨¨¨¨¨ _| || Dex Drive Game Contest! || ( ¨==_//¨¨/\\_--¨ ) || Upcomming Features and Articles || |¨...||(=O||_==¨| \`._________________________________________________.'/ //¨¨\\\__\// / `---------------------------------------------------¨ ||//__ ¨¨¨¨¨__\\ h t t p : / / w w w . s a l a m a n d o . n e t \\ ¨¨¨¨¨/\ `\¨| /\ \¨\ /¨/ /\ \¨\ ||`|--. ... // .==. \\ //\\ || //\\ | \ / | //\\ | \ || ||¨\\ //¨\\ //¨¨\\ \\ ||__|| || ||__|| ||\\//|| ||__|| ||\\ || || || || || \`--. __ || ||--|| || ||--|| |#### |#####-||###| \#| |# ##### || _`¨¨.\ \\__// || || ||__/ || || #| || #| |# ||# #| |#_/# \\_// \\__// ---- -- -- ----- -- -- -### -- #- -# --# #- -#- ### --- `--¨ # # # # # # # #### # ### # ##### ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Table of Contents ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I. The First Bloody Issue Many things revealed Origin of the name "Salamando's Stove" Euphamisms, common phrases we're starting Hmong / Honzule / Huzzah Poon / Algus / Latino Jokes Civ II / Alpha Centauri XXXXBeat II. Bonus Material: Corey Betz programs FUCKBEAT! Prelude Midi Coliseum Action Movie generator III. Other stuff: How to pronounce "Evk" People are like video game characters IV. Contest: Dex Drive Communal Game Join the Stove V. Feedback: Contact Information Other Ways to Reach Out and Touch Us VI. Up and Coming Content ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I. The First Bloody Issue ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Let me start by saying that is a crappy ascii title, isn't it? It took a lot of time and way too much actual effort for what it is. It may evolve to become better later on, but probably not. Well, Welcome to the first issue of Salamando's Stove! I commend all of you for being daring enough or blackmailed into joining, and if you want, we give you permission to write "I sucked Evk off for crack!" on a white T-shirt in Magic Marker. We love every one of you in a very non-sexual brotherly way, and would gladly exploit you for money, a la Nabiki. Now wash my socks! ___________________________________________________________________________ Many Things Revealed - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ When I started Salamando's Stove with the help of a few friends, I had a very limited perception on others' views on the site. It was basically just me, and a few people who were really heavily pushed into rating and viewing anything I did (which I'm grateful to them for). The whole concept came about when Evk was visiting here in Oklahoma from New York. He was in a state of perpetual zonkedness through the entire trip, probably due to the high outdoorsiness of our house (which really screws up people with allergies). Anyway, Evk was riding in the car with me as we went on our frequent outing to get IBC cream soda, jolly ranchers, and little peanut butter cups. We were talking about our masterful wit (something people like us do frequently), and how we could make a potentially funny inside-jokish page. Well one thing led to another, and as such we came up with a grand scheme for a video game page. Admittedly, the page has changed from its original conception, and it did take a while to implement all the earlier ideas. For example, we wanted to have a FTP server on the page. We ponder that that's a good idea now, as it would make our site a target that people could attack (such as get us shut down). Also, I thought it would be neat to have a page that relayed big video game news. Like Slashdot (http://slashdot.org/), it would have all sorts of linked articles to all the bigger websites that actually write the articles. Well times have changed and so has the Stove. Now, 90% of the content on the Stove is original stuff we have written ourselves. Not that I wouldn't still like the idea of being a VG portal page in addition to that, but I personally don't have the time to do school work, original content for the stove, daily comics, updating, and look at all the big VG news sites (and boy there are a lot of them) every day looking for updates. But back on track, now that I've gotten quite a bit of response from people who I didn't talk to on a regular basis before we made the webpage, I usually get one recurring question: "What does ________ mean?" After a few dozen of these, I decided it'd be best to explain on a public forum how we came up with much of this stuff. ___________________________________________________________________________ Origin of Salamando's Stove - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ So we were in the car with Evk's parent's credit card and an unlimited amount of spending cash. After buying a couple of games, we were talking about what to name this web page of ours. We were trying to originally distance ourselves from where Evk and Backward Z worked previously, the Temple of Time, while at the same time having a similar name. It had to reflect an inside joke to the video game community, but not sound either too hokey or derisive. After casting off the few obvious ones... "Mana Palace", "Promised Land", "Pure Land" even.... Well, Evk was on the proverbial crack and said out of nowhere "how about Salamando's Stove?" I didn't really go along with it at first, but nothing was better! So it stuck! And then all was happy and full of creamy marshmallows. ___________________________________________________________________________ Euphamisms and Other Phrases We Use a Lot - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Learn these well, because after the revolution, you'll HAVE to use them! Where can I start? First, you have to know that Evk and I live in a message history moebius. It is a tangle of self-references and inside jokes. Most are based off of things that sound neat, funny references, and billions of other things usually referring to video games. For example, any game that's bad will undoubtedly be compared to Lunar. Other than that, other weird phrases and sayings will be adopted by one and then eventually both of us until it becomes part of our vernacular. If you sealed us in a room with no outside input, we'd eventually regress to a point where our entire conversations are based on in-jokes and self-references. Good thing we have new games and such for new material and phrases, like "pulling a Zell." ___________________________________________________________________________ Hmong / Honzule / Huzzah - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Let's cover them in order. Hmong is a moutain clan in and around Laos and Vietnam. They fought against the vietkong during the Vietnam War. I was reading a Tom Clancy book where he mentions a charecter was the "...daughter of a Hmong warlord". And Hmong looked funny, so I started saying it, and the practice continues to this day. This is also where Hmongbeat came from. Honzule! Honzule is Honzule Yiroshi, the mysterious immortal employee. There's a line in a song I forget when a guy is just yelling, and one of his likes sounds like "HONZULLLLLLEEEEEEEEEeeeee yiroshi!" And, I thought it was funny, so I started saying it, and since I'm surrounded by corpses and drones (Free "I sucked off Evk" T-shirt to whoever E-mails me where that's from), it caught on. Huzzah! Huzzah is an old english cheer, similar to "Yay!". When you find out that you don't need to get reconstructive surgery, you yell "HUZZAH!" Huzzah can be upgraded to W-Huzzah, Tetra-Huzzah, ect. Omni-huzzah is reserved. It's not to be taken lightly. Only the most ecstatic or brilliantly stunning events is worthy, such as for when one of us gets laid. ___________________________________________________________________________ Poon / Algus / Latino Jokes - WrexSoul & Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Apparently poon is a real word. It's a kind of tree that is really soft tree they used for making boats with... Whatever. Anyways, Evk would always call someone "poonhead" or talk about their "poony pants" or "poony depths." He didn't have a real definition. After careful review, I gave a plausable definition: Woman juice, or "natural lube." Some people (Xeon) didn't like that definition, but it was the one that stuck. And with that, you can decide your own derivations of "poon" mean. Which brings me to Algus. Algus is... well, basically poony depths. When Evk and I played a communal Final Fantasy Tactics game, I kept expressing my feelings toward Algus with my cute little pet name "twat." Algus would show up and I would growl and say "Rrrrrgh, it's Algus, that little twat," or "Oooh, Algus is such a twat!" As you know, twat is used uncommonly to reffer to spoiled brats, or other such annoying people. And thus it stuck! And thus Algus came to mean twat in and of itself. That was a great FFT game. During the same FFT game, we were doing the customary clean out your party thing, kicking out chocobos. We had one named "Latinos", and as all FFT things do, it tried to convice us to stay "(You mean it's diffrent from the world of humans?)". WrexSoul said "You just don't like me 'cause I LATINO! IS THAT IT?!" It was funny, and so peridically and unexpectadly, one of us will ask if you just don't like us 'cause we Latino. ___________________________________________________________________________ Civ II / Alpha Centuari - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ There is nothing greater or slower than Cid Meier's Civilization II and Alpha Centauri internet games. It all started when we got Civ II Multiplayer Gold Edition. Evk was always the "Nerds", with great "Archnerd Evk". He was also a Fundamentalism if it means anything to you. I was alays "Herr WrexSoul" of the "Hippies". Well, long story short, in Civ II and AC, you build your own cities to make a country. We had a slew of customary names such as "Nicchan City", "Evk City", "Hentai City", and "Kasumi Handjob." You are now required by law to use these any time you can name a city in any game. Kasumi Handjob deserves a little explanation of itself too. Those of you that don't know, Ranma ½ is an anime series. And one of the characters is Kasumi, who is unduely nice ALL the time. Well one day, Evk said "I want a Kasumi-handjob." It was so true. Then came around Alpha Centauri. In came a slew of new names "Nabiki Blowjob", "Murond", "Port Poon", but also some recurring old ones. Any names in AC that were used in Civ II have to have "Neo" in them. "Neo Nicchan City", "Neo Evk City", etc. Now play it. Love it. Kiss it. Take it on a long romantic walk on a dusty beach. ___________________________________________________________________________ XXXXBeat - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ XXXXBeat is a shout of disgust, anger, and horrific realization. Say you stub your toe? That's about a "hmongbeat!" You get pissed at Xeon for not writing anything in four months? Smackbeat him! Did you ever notice we have all diffrent kinds of beats? Poonbeats, smackbeats, smaqbeats, shitbeats, assbeats, boingbeats... what's the deal? I'm sad to say I honestly don't know. I came up with the beat idea, but I don't remember why or when. HAHAHAHA JOKE IS YOU! Each has its own time and use, but mostly just whatever you feel like, Koji. ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ II. Bonus Material ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ Corey Betz programs - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I used to know this kid named Corey Betz - or as he liked to be called BMSOLIDER - who was the epitome of lame: He typed bad (rail 2 ur head lol fag), he played Quake 2, and he listened to whatever band was currently popular. Anyway, he tried his hand at BASIC, and wrote three programs. First, there was the "Dan suck his own ass" program, a little quiz that would tell you "how close you are to becoming Dan". But it dosn't work right; saying you dream about and have sex with Dan nets you only a 4 out of 10. By the way, this Dan is our very own never seen but often felt Xeon. The next atrocity is Legend of the Crystal, a horrible scrolling text 'story' he wrote. It featured easy to understand sentences like "anybody could use crystal but must be trained" or "SKELTON ATTACK LEV 1". This is truely horrible, but even worse, it features me, or someone with my name. Last is the real worst, BMSTORY. It details BM Soldier, last of solider race (of course) and the "deku empire" and "Kromka zombie of north zombie with new units. real nasty ones too." This little program will bewilder you with sentances like "the cave was dark. the old knight new a healing spell" and "they run into cave used to play as kids". I highly recomend this one. You can download them at http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/coreybetz.zip ___________________________________________________________________________ FUCKBEAT - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ FUCKBEAT is the worst of the beats. It is not one to be invoked lightly. You can use any other beat whenever you want and we won't care. But only reserve Fuckbeat for the most god-awful life-wrenching experiences. Shooting your spouse by accident is only a shitbeat. To properly convey a true Fuckbeat, we provide the following. http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/fuckbeat.gif A general rule of thumb is if it is worthy of a Fuckbeat, you'll likely have to commit ritual suicide. We'll be standing by with the katanas to sever your head when the ritual reaches the most painful point. Then we will parade down the street with your head as a symbol of your renewed honor. And your family line will no longer be tainted. ___________________________________________________________________________ The Prelude MIDI - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ A while back, I wrote a MIDI remix of the Prelude of the Final Fantasy prelude. It's a (mostly) piano-only version, and gets a little funky at the end. Hopefully I can convert it to mp3 soon, in which case it will be about 3 MB and up for public download somewhere. As of now, if you have a really good sound card it will sound okay. You can find it at http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/prelude.mid ___________________________________________________________________________ Coliseum - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Well a year or three ago, I made an excellent little Duke3d level called "Coliseum." It was just as it sounds, Duke tries to get out of a coliseum he was captured and thrown in. Simple, no? Well in theory, yes. It's a rather circular level, and thus a relatively good Dukematch file. The only exception being it has a really really cheap camping spot. Duke Nukem 3d is cheap enough you can get it for practically free now. Or find some hobo and steal his copy. And I'm sure some of you have friends. Steal their copies too! Then play the game, which you can get from http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/coliseum.zip ___________________________________________________________________________ Generate Your Own Action Movie - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ This never made it to Salamando's Stove due to its blatant lack of having anything to with video games. But, in the tradition of the Generate your Own Upcoming RPG, you can see the amazing tofu at http://redrival.com/salamando/features/action.html ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ III. Other stuff ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ How to Pronounce Evk - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Nobody ever pronouces it right on the first try. The first rule is, it isn't "Evick". No. It's two syllables. E - veck. Try it: EEEeeeeeeeVECK. Okay? Not just "Evk" as fast as you can. That's wrong. Stress the second syllable: "eveck". Got it? Okay. And if you want to know how NOT to pronounce it, go to http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/evk.wav and listen in horror. If you are caught pronouncing it like this, you will be cast into a vat of molten wax and made into millions of crayons for the homeless. ___________________________________________________________________________ People Really Are Like Video Game Characters - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I was sitting around today because I was skipping school, and I was admiring my wardrobe because it was so plainly simple. It eventually led me to the conclusion that in reality, people are like video game characters. They may have more than one outfit, but as a whole they dress remarkably distinctly and similarly day-to-day. At least people I hang around with do. I think the only thing we need is EXP and a theme that plays whenever we show up to save the day. I also think I'll develop my own unique weapon that I use as opposed to anything else, and get some wild hair. I think green will work well. Then I will reveal the Fake King Plot, and steal the princess! ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ IV. Contests ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ DexDrive Game Contest - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I thought it would be a neat idea if we had a contest where me and WrexSoul played a game like Final Fantasy Tactics using a DexDrive - he'd fight a few, send me the save, I'd fight a few, send it back, ect... anyway, the winner of a contest held would be able to participate in a game like this. Of course, you'd need to have a DexDrive or Bleem!, some mode of sending/recieving the game (ICQ), the game we picked, and some spare time. However, I think it's a neat idea, and if you don't, you can go screw a tree, fatty. I was a hippy vampire. Dex Drives are horribly cheap. Go to http://www.ebworld.com/ and you can get one for $25 including shipping. And I got mine in two days. That, plus infinite memory card storage space makes it a VEEERRRRRY appealing for mimes and other plastic figurines like me. To apply for this contest, email pfrancks@ionet.net, evk_d@hotmail.com, or send us a pint of your blood through FedEx. From there we promise excruciating voodoo rituals where your hair catches fire. ___________________________________________________________________________ Join the Stove - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ This is more of a preliminary idea, but more people on the stove makes us happy and trippy. The last two people to join the stove - Z and Xeon - wrote a few articles and faded into the backround. Mabye if we have a contest and people actually apply and make it they'll be a little more dedicated. As a member of the Stove, you'd get to write articles, appear in comics, have your own profile page, and suck us off for crank. We don't know when this is going to be held, so don't ask or we'll point and laugh. Like above, mail us and give us presents and articles and wash our socks and we will consider you from the depths of our bowels. Otherwise you can read Lenore, possibly the worst comic book I have ever seen. ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ V. Feedback ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ What do you all think of the first issue? Send your comments to us! Possible topics: Too Offensive, Asswipe! I, too, want a Kasumi Handjob GLAHGLAGHLAGHLAGH I LIKE JERKCITY I Deserve An "I sucked Evk off for crack" shirt! Ryoga owes me $5 I am a willing slave Poking, Gentle Suckling ___________________________________________________________________________ Contact Information ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ WrexSoul http://salamando.2y.net/misc/wrexsoul.html pfrancks@ionet.net ICQ: 902240 AIM: WrexSoulll (usually inactive) \/. vvv Evk X Damascus http://salamando.2y.net/misc/evk.html Evk_D@hotmail.com ICQ: 11029633 AIM: ArchEvk (almost always inactive) Rotting in the Gulag ___________________________________________________________________________ Other Forms Of Reaching Out and Touching Us ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Go to Our Lardy Webpage: http://salamando.2y.net/ Message Boards on the Stove: http://avian76.virtualave.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=11 Where Evk goes to make fun of people: http://chat.msn.com/ GLGLAHGLAHGALGHALGHAGLAGHAGHALAGH: http://www.jerkcity.com/ ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ IV. Upcomming Content ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ COMING SOON FOR YOU AND ME - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ For probably the first time ever, I have a lot lined up for making. This issue was one of them, check that off the list. But now other such stuff includes "What You Say, XEONMAN?!", where we put up one of Xeon's cryptically bad reviews that is incomprehendable as English. Is like bad Japanese translating! For great justice! Also on the slate is an interview with the Summoner from FF Tactics, because I put it on the damned magazine cover. Also, I may make up a quiz. You know, like the kind you find on http://www.brunching.com/, only about obscure video game stuff. We have some other stuff we plan on doing eventually, but we'll reserve that for next month. ___________________________________________________________________________ I INVITE THE POON - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Right now, we're in a little lull period because we finished posting up the Miracle Girls review. Technically we should be doing the stuff that's supposted to be in the Salamando's Stove 1st Issue, because amazingly enough we're going to actually follow through on that idea. The main thing that needs to be done really is for me to fix up my FF8 review. But actually, we'll probably do a Final Fantasy Mystic Quest review first. Then we'll beat it or something. I don't know! Don't pressure me! Get out of here! I can go to the bathroom by myself!!! ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ NOW GET OUTTA HERE! ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Well, that was the first issue of Salamando's Stove. We'll be back to jack your face again next month, with an all new magazine cover and more witty antics. For a sneak peak into next month's issue, we have the real ending to FF7, a brilliant Parappa the Rapper FAQ, a revival of Evk's Art Collection, and much, much more. Thanks for sticking with us and reading this verbal dribble to the very end. Now leave! It's over already! Ignore that unsubscribe link below!