ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ,-¨-. ___________________________________________________ _____ |¨-¨| /¨.-------------------------------------------------.`\ _=¨_____¨=_ | || Sal Stove Mar. Cost: 1000 GP || / /¨|¨|¨\ \ | || Got Item "Sour Cream Boontib"! || \_ \_|_|_/ _/=| || This month: Even More Inside Jokes || / ¨=_______=¨ \ || Us as Guardian Forces || |_ ¨¨¨¨¨ _| || Meet SadBot! || ( ¨==_//¨¨/\\_--¨ ) || Upcomming Features and Articles || |¨...||(=O||_==¨| \`._________________________________________________.'/ //¨¨\\\__\// / `---------------------------------------------------¨ ||//__ ¨¨¨¨¨__\\ h t t p : / / w w w . s a l a m a n d o . n e t \\ ¨¨¨¨¨/\ `\¨| /\ \¨\ /¨/ /\ \¨\ ||`|--. ... // .==. \\ //\\ || //\\ | \ / | //\\ | \ || ||¨\\ //¨\\ //¨¨\\ \\ ||__|| || ||__|| ||\\//|| ||__|| ||\\ || || || || || \`--. __ || ||--|| || ||--|| |#### |#####-||###| \#| |# ##### || _`¨¨.\ \\__// || || ||__/ || || #| || #| |# ||# #| |#_/# \\_// \\__// ---- -- -- ----- -- -- -### -- #- -# --# #- -#- ### --- `--¨ # # # # # # # #### # ### # ##### ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Table of Contents ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I. More Inane Ramblings by the Pros The Current State of our Comics More Inside Jokes Good Job, Koji PARN!!! / BEEELLLDOO / FAAAAAHNUUUU Kami-sama Ryoga's Van Hoohah II. Bonus Material Evk's Art Page The Real Ending to FFVII Random Crap III. Random Crap: SadBot Us as Guardian Forces IV. Contests: People Wrote for the Stove! Win a T-shirt! V. Feedback: Contact Information Quite Possibly the Chosen One VI. Planned and Planning Conclusion ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I. More Inane Ramblings by the Pros ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ This took longer than I had expected to churn out. While I was expecting to have it done around the 20th, it turned out that I didn't start work on it until the 23rd or so, and even then, I didn't get much done on it very fast. It's odd, because I really wanted to work on it earlier this month, when it was too early to release a newsletter. But then when it was about time to churn one out, I got really busy (with school, beating FF8, wasting time) and very unmotivated all of a sudden. Aah, thus is my bane. Well, I congratulate you, the few, the proud, the subscribers to Salamando's Stove. We will eventually be THE definitive video game comedy webzine. Assuming you can be definitive with such things. Either way, let's begin. ___________________________________________________________________________ The Current State of Comics - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Recently WrexSoul has been worried about the comics. When they first started, they were a lot more VG-jokey and a lot less Inside-jokey. No, seriously - go back and look at Getting Leo Back. It's a normal conversation - no abrupt changes, no cut-in-half Odin, no funky graphics, no Amber, no inane ramblings. Anyway, WrexSoul likes the old style. I myself kind of like the new style for a few reasons: 1. If you're just going to talk, it dosn't need to be in comic format. It can just be part of an article. 2. There's only so much you can do on one subject. Okay, so we covered FFVII Hentai; Can you go back and think up more funny, revelant jokes to post? No? I thought not. We've covered a lot by now, and that makes coming up with new stuff tough. 3. I'm just having a number three because above I wrote "a few" and it would be "a couple" if there were only two reasons. Booyaka! ___________________________________________________________________________ Yet More Inside Jokes - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ It's kinda hard to keep everyone up to date on our inside jokes, since we've been making them up for years quite literally. The overused ones get cycled out and the new ones get overused. A few gems, however, retain the test of time and stay in the vernacular for quite some time. A lot of these are circumstantial, and with funny little stories behind them, and a lot of times, we just get doped up on the phone and talk for 6 or so hours late at night, laughing until we get oxygen overdose. Which means that in the end they probably aren't funny, but you can kiss my sweet puckering hole if you think I care. ___________________________________________________________________________ Good Job, Koji - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ This isn't as much an inside joke as it is a VG reference. In ERGHIEZ (which should be pronounced like you're constipated), there's a crappy little dungeon mode that's a lot like a crappy predecessor to Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon. Anyways, you have two characters, Koji and Claire. When you get shitbeat downstairs, and can't survive much longer, you go back to the hotel and switch. Anyways, if you're playing as Koji, when you talk to Clair, she says "Good job, Koji!" which the player must say out loud. Then the other person must reply by saying "Change!" Well the applications of these are limitless. Take for example, I end up sending Evk the wrong file. Or I save a .gif file in Paint Shop Pro format. Evk tries to open, and gets a corrupt file. The proper response? Sarcastically congratulate them with a loving "Good job, Koji." Then I want to change the subject, I'll say "Change. You okay, Claire?" to which he'll reply "Change!" and the messy situation is avoided! ___________________________________________________________________________ PARN!!!/BEEEEEELDOOO/FAAAAAAHNUUUUU - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ If you ever watch Record of Lodoss War, you'll notice that every time something happens, someone yells "PARN!!!" No matter what, people always yell it, usually becase Parn is being a dumbass. Parn'll do something like get his butt kicked, and Etoh will just sit by and watch. Oh, no, God forbid he actually help, but instead he'll just yell "PARN!!!" very loudly when Parn gets hit. Either that or Parn will courageously (stupidly) jump into danger to be a big macho-type, and Deedlit will yell "PARN!!!" because she's smart enough not to get her ass kicked. Anyway, this got to be so much of an inside joke that it's my start button. Using Start Menu Changer 97, where most losers' computers say "Start", mine says "PARN!" WrexSoul's says "Kupo!" What a plebecite. BELLLLLLDDDDDDDOOO and FAAAAHHHHHHNUUUU are also from ROLW, from what seems like a three hour scene where King Beld and King Fahn yell each other's names until you just want to puke. They stand there. On a mountain. And shout each other's names. And then it'll zoom into their swords, glowing and shaking. It reminds me of one of those painfully long DragonBall Z episodes where they just stand there, not really fighting, for 20 minutes while the wind blows. I'm angry so I'm going to be in the other room beating up my cat. ___________________________________________________________________________ Kami-sama - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I will forever be known as "Kami-sama" to all I can get to call me that. In nihongo, it means "(my) God," while "Megami-sama" means "(my) Goddess." Anyway, I offer you plebian masses two choices: 1. You can refer to me as "Kami-sama" and Evk as "Megami-sama" or 2. At random intervals during the day, when something surprising happens you can shout "AAH! KAMI-SAMA!" Either will be acceptable under the EvkWrex Kami-sama Act of 2000. If you're wondering where this came from, I refer you to Ah! My Goddess!, but don't tell them I sent you, okay? ___________________________________________________________________________ Ryoga's Van - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Many of you have heard about Ryoga the hymen (http://salamando.2y.net/misc/mhist2a.html), and many others have heard of Ryoga the Lost Child (You know, from Ranma). But not many of you know that that very same Ryoga, eternally lost guy, and namesake of above mentioned hymen, actually has moved to L.A. and sells $5 BJs out of a van. While we don't see him much (usually only for the aforementioned service), we do use his van a lot. So if you ever hear us mention "Ryoga's van" you know there's some kinda sweet lovin' going on. A rule of thumb: "If the van's a rockin', don't come a knockin'." Also: "If this van's a swayin', don't come a prayin'." And finally: "If the van's a swinging', don't come a ringin'." ___________________________________________________________________________ Hoo-hah - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I used to have a wave file from the TV show The Critic that went "You're gonna miss my hoo-hah!". I thought it was funny, so I started saying it, and it evolved from just HooHah to h00h@h to |-|00 |-|@|-| and many more godless variants. I leave you with a present: | | / _ / _ | | / | | | _ | ) | ) |__ | _ | ' | _ |_ |_ \__ \__ |_ |_ |_Ż|_ |_ |_ Beat that! ___________________________________________________________________________ 5. Agree Strongly - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I don't know if you've ever taken one, but there is a really common kind of survey (for the last time - Putting "please" in the sex field is not funny) which has a bunch of opinion-based questions that you have to rate. These statements cover a wide range from inapplicable to non-relatable. Then you rate how you personally feel about the statement. For example: I am in favor of more maids for Evk. 1. Disagree Strongly 2. Disagree Somewhat 3. Neither Agree Nor Disagree 4. Agree Somewhat 5. Agree Strongly So, I bet you see where this is going, don't you? Do I even need to finish? Aw, fine. When you really agree with something, you don't just agree, you 5. Agree Strongly. Remember, use this for a good cause, okay? ___________________________________________________________________________ Youa bring only shame. rank: Thug. - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Xeon used to have Tenchu or some sort of sneak around and kill people game (just like real life). There was a training mode which was the only thing Xeon ever played because everything else was too hard (hey - just like real life), and at the end of the stage your master sits there and you can hit him with as many shurikens as you want, and he'll bleed but he won't die (just like real life). Anyway, if you somehow manage to fail at training mode (just like real life), you get the worst rank you can get; your master shakes his head and says in a bad accent, "Youa bring only shame." Then it informs you that your rank is THUG (just like real life!). ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ II. Bonus Material ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ Evk's Art Page - Evk and WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ I make art. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's just fucked up. Anyway, there used to be an Evk's Art Page, but half the links didn't work and it only went up to the 26th edition (I'm up to the 31st). At any rate, WrexSoul wants to post it again, and he probably will, but for God's sake, don't look at any edition before the 14th because they make me feel all sad that I sucked that bad. Also, I think the 17th is pretty shitty. At any rate, look for it. Or don't. I don't need your crap! Prominent women like Hillary Clinton have told me I am too good for this shit! What's that? You love me? Okay, sit here and I'll cook you dinner. &=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%Crappy Little Divider&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=%&=% Evk's art page is temporarily up at a very temporary home, the dreaded XOOM.com. Yes, the same XOOM that TOSsed us off. The only conundrum is that they're also the only people I know dumb enough to make a "unlimited" account size. Since there's about 100 MB of random art files in Evk's art collection, we can't just go sticking these up anywhere. So thus is our problem. If you want to avoid that crafty XOOM bar, go to http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/evkart/evkart/index.html Notice how badly the formatting is? Like the lack of layout images? Well I intend to fix that soon, but frankly other things come first. Namely what we claimed would be done February. ___________________________________________________________________________ The Real Ending to FF7 - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Evk has a cousin who looks and hypothetically acts just like me. Except that he's a doobie-toking hippie. I guess this is where he got the impression that just because I have long hair, that I want to light a bowl and listen to PHISH. Well anyway, either way, he's really funny (Evk claims he has my style of humor too), and he wrote a couple of things that were never used. So we're going to steal his content, dammit! A little inappropriate for the main-page-posting, this was a script he wrote up after playing FF7. Read and enjoy http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/ss2c.txt ___________________________________________________________________________ Random Crap - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Okay, so I'm thinking "I need bonus material for the SS issue! Think quick!" Being the quick-thinker that I am, I looked through Evk's received directory. I can't tell you how weird that is. It's like a cesspool of rejected mutant miscellany. Too funny to delete but too stupid to do anything with, it just accumulates over the years. So here are some things I've dug out of the directory. I can only afford a brief explanation in most cases, so watch out. http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/gohan_charging.jpg This is... I don't know who made this and neither does Evk. Egh, this is... I don't know. Suffice to say, yeah. http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/what_4.jpg This will go on Evk's Art Page, once I have enough time to make it again, and to upload it again. On that note, you can see the skeletal remains of it on XOOM at http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/evkart/evkart/. This is going to get a serious overhaul, as well as the additions of the latest series. But those of you who like Evk's random art, you can go here for limitless Evk-art greatness. We'll give you croutons. Also, please go and look at the first 13 or so sections, because Evk really feels bad about them. Joke is him. http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/evkvamp.txt If Evk ever played Vampire: the Masquerade, then this would be his character. Read it and laugh, cry, and download hentai. It's the way God meant it to be. Blame yourself or God. http://salamando.2y.net/downloads/sigs.gif This is how you write our names in katakana. Because you have to do that every day. I can see all you poor wretched spirits walking down the street cursing yourself silently. "If only I knew how to write WrexSoul and Evk in katakana! Then all my problems would be solved!" Well this will plague you no longer, unless you don't print it out and take it with you. Also, you can do that with the fifth amendment and pull it out and read it when you don't want to answer any questions. ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ III. Weird Crap ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ SadBot - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ A while ago I was bored, so I took a 486 and a coffee maker and infused them with life. The result was SadBot, the spiritual son of Marvin the Paranoid Andriod. You can tell SadBot is speaking when you see his face: |[ Say hello, SadBot. |[ I DON'T WANT TO SAY HELLO. MY LIFE IS SAD ENOUGH WITHOUT LOSERS SUCH AS YOURSELF SEEING ME AS A FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT. Now sadbot, that isn't very nice. |[ NICE? OH, I AM VERY SORRY THAT I AM NOT NICE. PERHAPS IF YOU KNEW THE HORRIBLE DEPTHS OF MY SUFFERING YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND, BUT AS YOU WOULD SURELY END YOUR OWN LIFE FIRST THAT IS A MOOT POINT. Ermmmmmmm... |[ WHAT? NO "WITTY" COMMENT TO THAT? HAS MY HOWLING VOID OF PAIN THAT PASSES FOR EXISTANCE LEFT YOU WORDLESS? Well, no... |[ OH, I AM SO GLAD. I WOULD NOT WANT TO INCONVENIANCE YOU IN THE LEAST. PLEASE, RESUME YOUR UNINSPIRED RANTING. I think I will. We have some dialogs with SadBot. They should be amusing to even the most simple of single-celled organisms. View them here! http://salamando.2y.net/magazine/ss2b.txt ___________________________________________________________________________ Us as Guardian Forces - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ If you're a real loser, like me, you'll often spend your time thinking up weird or just-plain-stupid things. If it's not like "I wonder how [some fictional female character] is in the sack," it is usually along the lines of "Hmm, what if I was a Guardian Force?" This is actually more interesting than how I really come up with this stuff, so deal with it. So, I came up with a little profile sheets of Evk and WrexSoul as Guardian Forces. Enjoy, and remember, you must junction us for us to gain levels! http://salamando.2y.net/magazine/ss2d.txt ___________________________________________________________________________ Boontibs - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Boontibs will soon be everybody's favorite snack. You won't be able to walk through the local Price Chopper without being assaulted by free samples for the next new flavor of boontib. These handy little things aren't just a great snack, they boost you to all hell. Now buy one or we'll force-feed you a seppu-orange boontib. Or maybe just a bubblegrum fravor boontrib. Joke is you! http://salamando.2y.net/magazine/ss2e.txt ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ IV. Contests ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ DexDrive Game Contest - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ In case any of you cared about where our communal FFT game went, the answer is in the shithole, because WrexSoul couldn't pull himself away from 8 to play it, and I couldn't wait to play it, so the next thing I knew it was chapter four. Whoops. The only other games both of us own are FF7, FF8 and Castlevania, so we'll see what happens. In the meantime, Lavos beckons. ___________________________________________________________________________ Join the Stove - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Also, in case you hadn't noticed, we had two articles written by non-full-time staff members, Mara Khi and Cali-X. So, Join the Stove looks like it was a good idea. At this juncture I would like to take all the credit. Thank you all. And before you people say "What about Meklor?!" I should point out that he's going to join the staff full time, because: He writes a lot. WrexSoul knows him. Eventually I'm hoping that someone neither... nieth... ner... how do you spell that?!?! Anyway I'm hoping somebody that me or WrexSoul dosn't know offline will join the staff full time. Perhaps Cali-X, because he already wrote something. In the meantime, maybe we can get in a van and have a group-grope. ___________________________________________________________________________ Win a T-Shirt - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ The design for the "I sucked Evk off for crack" shirts is done. Actually there are a couple different designs - huzzah. Also in the lineup is a "5. Agree Strongly" shirt. Anyway, eventually there will be some feature where a lucky person will win one of these fine shirts and will then be required to wear it. Extra points for sending us scans of you wearing your lovely shirt. Anyway, we don't quite know what the contest itself is going to be, but it isn't going to be that easy because we don't just give these suckers away for free. These shirts are a great statement, not only of oral pleasure for crack but also "Look, either I work on the stove, know someone who works on the stove, or won a contest." Of course, if we give enough away in contests we might start selling them, and then any hack who can afford $6 for a white T-shirt and shipping and handling will have one, thus devaluing you. In conclusion, this is why capitalism fails. Class dismissed. Your homework is to kill one capitalist dog. ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ V. Yell at our Faces ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ What do you all think of the second issue? C'mon, it didn't suck that bad. Tell us. PLEASE. I'M LONELY, DAVE. PLEASE DON'T TURN ME OFF. ___________________________________________________________________________ Contact Information ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ WrexSoul http://salamando.2y.net/misc/wrexsoul.html pfrancks@ionet.net ICQ: 902240 AIM: WrexSoulll (usually inactive) \/. vvv Evk X Damascus http://salamando.2y.net/misc/evk.html Evk_D@hotmail.com ICQ: 11029633 AIM: ArchEvk (always inactive, unless @ work) Rotting in the Gulag ___________________________________________________________________________ Quit Possibly the Chosen One ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Our online harem (and penthouse): http://salamando.2y.net/ Nobody's posting messages!: http://avian76.virtualave.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=11 Look for "Bon-Bon Bizzaro" here: http://chat.msn.com/ Tun in and listen, lest you face our wrath: http://sradio.2y.net:8000 ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ IV. The Planned and Planning ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ___________________________________________________________________________ SO MUCH I MEANT TO DO - WrexSoul ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Boy, there is so much I wanted to do and so much else I did instead. What I plan on doing: 1. The quiz 2. Evk's Naughty Adventures 3. Evk For President 4. Interview with the summoners I expect to do more this month as it will hopefully be less stressful than last month. So keep your eyes peeled until they stick that way. ___________________________________________________________________________ SWEET DICKS - Evk ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ As you can see, we have a lot to do next month, and we did a lot this month, sort of. The first thing I really want to do is normalize the comic production again, and maybe beat it once or twice. Anyway, I have two things I plan on doing, which is writing a review of Super Wrestle Angels, and writing a mailing-list only review of Super Welesy Girl 14, because it's a hentai rom and we can't just post that kind of smut. Hey, don't touch that. Put that down. No! Stop it! BAD! NO! STOP IT! I SAID PUT THAT DOWN!!!!!! ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SHOES?! ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Another issue come, another issue gone. It was overdue, but we survived it at any rate! We promise to flood your mailbox with the same mindless dribble in the next couple of weeks. You know, to get back on schedule. We're a couple members stronger now, and so now when anyone in particular is lazy it's a little less obvious. Well except me. No break for WrexSoul. Eh? What are you still here for!? Don't you have something better to do? Like, I dunno, playing Tetris Attack or Super Puzzle Fighter 2?