___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Final Fantasy VII: The Real Ending. ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Disclaimer: As you may know FFVII was rushed through production and was never really completed. Here is the real ending. This is the actual script that was recently unearthed and NOT some half-assed parody. ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Scene1 (Everyone’s standing outside of Midgar staring at Meteor in stupified awe.) Bugenhagen: Look! Meteor’s coming to kill us! Ho Ho Ho. Red XIII: I thought you were dead, grandfather! Bugenhagen: I was. I mean, err, I was sleeping. Red XIII: I saw you die with my own eyes, grandfather! Bugehagen: Look, will you shut the hell up, Nanaki? Do you want to destroy the credibility of this thing before it even gets started? Red XIII: No. I’m sorry. Bugenhagen: That’s better, my son. Red XIII: Don’t you mean grandson? Bugenhagen: Whatever. Look everyone, the apocalypse is upon us! Ho Ho Ho. Tifa: But Holy’s going to save us, right? Bugenhagen: Yeah Holy. Err. About Holy… Barret: The hell you talkin’ about, old man!? Holy’s gonna save this ^#$%^ planet, right?!! Bugenhagen: Uhhhh. You know what? I sort of made up Holy. Barret: Why the fuck would you do that!??!?! Bugenhagen: Well I wanted to offer you some hope. No sense being gloomy all the time. Cid: So we did all that shit with Sephiroth for nothing?! I’m gonna wring your damn neck, you old sack of shit! Bugenhagen: No need for violence my child. Ho Ho Ho. Besides why would you want to kill someone who can do this? (He starts floating around) Look at me everybody! I’m floating! Ho Ho Ho! Tifa: Speaking of hoes, here comes Yuffie. Barrett: Where the hell were you? Yuffie: I got really hungry so I decided to stop into Midgar for a bite to eat. Also, I stole all your money, and materia. Cloud: Ahh isn’t that cute? She stole all our stuff for the twelfth time. It gets cuter and more amusing every time she does it! Barrett: The hell it does! I’m about to smack the shit outta this bitch! Bugenhagen: No time for that! Death is upon us! I’m pissing my damned pants!…well, even more than I usually do. Ho Ho Ho. Everybody: Oh shit! Here comes meteor! Barrett: Those #$$%$ Shinra! This is all their fault! That #$$%$ rock’s gonna really wreck the ecosystem of this planet! Bugenhagen: Never mind the ecosystem, that meteor’s going to leave a hole in this planet the size of Tifa’s right breast. No offense, my dear. Ho Ho Ho. Cid: I’m really freaking out here! (takes out five cigarettes, puts them in his mouth and lights them all). Ahhh, nicotine, my best friend. Cloud: You know you really should quit. Those things’ll give you lung cancer. Cid: Shut the hell up, pretty boy. Cloud: I’m sleepy. (Meteor enters the atmosphere) Everybody: OH SHIIITTT!!! WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!! (After passing through the atmosphere, meteor is quickly reduced to a mid-sized rock, a la the Simpsons and hits Cid squarely on the head.) Cid: Ow! Dagnabbit!! That’s smarts something awful! Now I see what the big fuss was about! That rock hurt like a bastard! Cait Sith: Shit! Quit, your complainin’, yo! Cid: You can’t tell me what to do, you damn cat riding a damn inflated moogle!! Cait Sith: Well shit fool! Im gonna kick your #$#%% ass if you don’t watch out! Cid: I’ve had enough of this shit. My head hurts and I’m hungry. I’m going back to Rocket Town to continue my career as a bitter, old, hasbeen. Where the hell is that Sheila?! I’m gonna smack the shit outta that bitch!! (Cid stalks off to Rocket Town). Tifa: Well what are we supposed to do now? Bugenhagen: Look at me everybody! I’m still floating!! Pretty neat, huh? Ho Ho Ho. Red XIII: I’ve had enough of your damn floating, uncle! Bugenhagen: Nanaki!!! Don’t you take that tone with me! And don’t you mean grandfather? Red XIII: Whatever. Tifa: So basically this entire thing we went through was all for nothing. Bugenhagen: Yup but on the plus side I’m floating! Cloud: Wait a minute. This wasn’t for nothing. We stopped the Shinra! Tifa: Did we? What about Scarlett and Heidegger? They’re alive and well and still in power. Cloud: Oh yeah. Forgot about them. Crap. Barret: Shit! We went through 3 fuckin’ CDs and the Shinra are still in power!?!? Talk about incompetent! Cloud: Ok Ok so we really didn’t accomplish much of anything but so what? At least we have all this cool materia! Tifa: No we don’t. Yuffie took it, remember? Cloud: Oh damn. I just can’t win, can I? Where is that skank anyway? Tifa: She left about ten minutes ago. Barret: Oh well that’s just #%%$% great!! Shit! Cait Sith: I may be just a remote-controlled robotic cat riding on a giant moogle, but even I get bored. I’m going back to the Shinra building, yo. Peace! (he leaves) Barret: Go on, punk! Who the hell needs you? Cloud: Anybody seen Vincent recently? Tifa: Yeah. He went back to Nibelheim to sleep in his coffin. Red XIII: He’s a cheerful fellow, isn’t he? Barret: Shit! Another punk with no loyalty to this party! Shit! Tifa: I can’t really blame them for leaving. Afterall, we are a pretty hapless bunch of losers. Barret: Speak for yourself! I’m the baddest @$%%$ around! I’ve got a freakin’ gun for an arm! If that doesn’t make me bad,I don’t know what the hell could! In fact, I pity the fool that messes with Mr.T! Errr, I mean Barret. Cloud: Barret, I think you have a problem. Barret: The hell you talkin’ about? Cloud: I think we all know you have a problem and you need help. Does the name Mr.T ring a bell? Barret: What you talkin’ bout, foo’? Course it rings a bell! That’s my name! Tifa: He’s getting worse. Cloud: We need to get him help fast. Tifa: We’re going to get you some professional help, but first you need to admit you have a problem. Barret: What you yappin’ bout, ho? Tifa: Barret, snap out of it! It’s me, Tifa! You are Barret, not Mr. T. Do you understand me? I knew this would happen! You used to sit around the house all day watching A Team reruns. It was inevitable that something like this would happen. I tried to ignore the warning signs at first but I can’t anymore! You are not Mr. T!! Got it? Barret: It’s true! It’s all true!! I have to stop living this lie!! (He tears open his shirt, revealing twelve big-ass gold chains around his neck) Tifa: Oh my. It’s worse than I thought. Cloud: At least he’s finally come clean. Tifa: Come on lets go get him to a psychiatrist. (Cloud, Tifa, and Barret head towards Midgar) Bugenhagen: I’m still floating! Hey, where did everybody go? Nanaki? Red XIII: I’m going back to Cosmo Canyon, grandfather. I’ve had enough of these Midgar fools. Bugenhagen: Well wait up for me! And quit calling me grandfather, we’re not even the same species! Ho Ho Ho. The End ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Contact Information ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ WrexSoul http://salamando.2y.net/misc/wrexsoul.html wrexsoul@salamando.net ICQ: 902240 AIM: WrexSoulll (usually inactive) \/. vvv Evk X Damascus http://salamando.2y.net/misc/evk.html evk@salamando.net ICQ: 11029633 AIM: ArchEvk (always inactive, unless @ work) Rotting in the Gulag