ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ,-¨-. ___________________________________________________ _____ |¨-¨| /¨.-------------------------------------------------.`\ _=¨_____¨=_ | || Sal Stove December Bonus! Cost: 250 GP || / /¨|¨|¨\ \ | || Br +5! || \_ \_|_|_/ _/=| || Salamando's Stove December Issue Addendum: || / ¨=_______=¨ \ || || |_ ¨¨¨¨¨ _| || HAPPY FUN THANKSGIVING ADVENTURE! || ( ¨==_//¨¨/\\_--¨ ) || || |¨...||(=O||_==¨| \`._________________________________________________.'/ //¨¨\\\__\// / `---------------------------------------------------¨ ||//__ ¨¨¨¨¨__\\ h t t p : / / s a l a m a n d o . 2 y . n e t \\ ¨¨¨¨¨/\ `\¨| /\ \¨\ /¨/ /\ \¨\ ||`|--. ... // .==. \\ //\\ || //\\ | \ / | //\\ | \ || ||¨\\ //¨\\ //¨¨\\ \\ ||__|| || ||__|| ||\\//|| ||__|| ||\\ || || || || || \`--. __ || ||--|| || ||--|| |#### |#####-||###| \#| |# ##### || _`¨¨.\ \\__// || || ||__/ || || #| || #| |# ||# #| |#_/# \\_// \\__// ---- -- -- ----- -- -- -### -- #- -# --# #- -#- ### --- `--¨ # # # # # # # #### # ### # ##### ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ HAPPY SANKUSUGIIBINGU ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ HAPPY FUN THANKSGIVING ADVENTURE To avoid having to type all the things that happened over and over and over, here is a pretty complete record of everything that happened. Everthing is in chronological order, and all true, even the stupid parts about Hello Kitty panties. Onward then! First let me introduce everyone so you know who I'm talking about: ME: It's me. Everyone loves me. BEN: This is my cousin Ben. Basically imagine WrexSoul if he wasn't a hippy. Ben has no possions left because he sold everything on E-bay. I don't know what he does with the money, but it's obviously not buy things, since he's sold everything he owns or buys. MIKE: Cousin mike. A republican. With a big nose. His intrests include suppressing his homosexual thoughts and organizing his local chapter of Young Republicans. CLARE: Cousin clair. Radical lesbian vegetetable-rights feminist. THREE PRETENTIOUS ART STUDENTS: Clare brought three of her freinds, and they're all pretentious art studens. Abbrivated as TPAS. GAREN: Cousin garen. 11 or so. Looks mexican, and spends most of his time getting pysically or verbally abused by Mike. LAUREN: My sister. Think Nabiki, except not in slut clothes. PARENTS: My parents. Whoooo. GRANDMA: My grandmother. She's... uh... old. ALEX: I don't know how I'm related to him, but I hope it's distantly. He's about three and spends all his time screaming, running around, and farting. THE OTHER NICK: Alex's twin brother. Basically acts like him. ANNETTE: Youngest aunt. Constantly screaming at Mike for this or that. JOAN: Middle aunt. Didn't really do much, so I don't know why I'm describing her. UNCLE BEN: Not really an uncle. Makes charming comments like "Why are all those niggers wearing uniforms?". AUNT ROSE: Flatuant, peevish paranoid aunt. I hope she dies. AND VARIOUS OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLE WHO I DIDN'T SEE VERY MUCH OF The first day I got up at 9:00 in the morning. After packing all my things, it turned out we didn't actually leave until 10:30. During this period various people in my family said "It sure is cold out" approximity one billion times. After wasting enough time, we went out to our car, which is new this year - instead of a big minivan, we have a mini-SUV type thing. Unfortuneatly this means that I ended up crammed in a space about the size of a phone booth for the entire three and a half hour ride, making it very difficult to nap. If you've never tried to sleep in a car sitting up with your parents smoking drugs in the front seats and discussing real estate, be thankful. After about 3 and a half hours of driving, we finally got there, which meant it was time to peel my face off the back of my dad's seat and go inside. The very first item on the agenda was lunch, which turned out to be sandwitches consisting of eight miles of bread and salami cut so thin I needed to squint to see it. After that I went and staked out a spot on the living room couch, the only comftorable place in the house, and proceeded to get 3/4 of the way through Final Fantasy Legend II. At about 6:00 it was time for dinner, which turned out to be, for me, noodles in a kind of tomato soup thing with disgusting bits of tiny meat and annoying crunchy tomato seeds. After a hearty three mouthfuls I was done. Since we're in my grandmother's house and dinner was over, it meant it was time to watch Who Wants To Be a Millionare and go to bed. Who Wants To Be a Millionare was endlessly tedious and had a horrible ugly guy who must've weighed 700 pounds. After that, we - and by 'we' I mean me with my mom yelling at me not to damage the carpet - pulled out the fold-out bed, and everyone but me went to sleep. Well, everyone but me went to sleep after about 20 minutes of my mom yelling at us all to be quiet. "BE QUIET!!" she would shriek, unaware of the fact that people in Mexico could probably hear us. "GRANDMA'S ASLEEP!!!". Since I decided I just couldn't go to bed at 9:00, I stayed up for four hours reading "1876" and wishing I was basically anywhere else. I was woken up at 7:00 AM by my mom talking very loudly in the room next to mine. Grandma gets quiet to sleep, but I don't. After folding up the bed and trying to not kill my family, it was time for the parade! It wouldn't be on for another two hours, but we could watch the always-stimulating Boring Guy Preaching show, which consists of - get this - a boring guy standing around talking about Jesus. I did my best to tune this out by playing Final Fantasy Legend, but I got to the japanese world, which is where I usually give up since it gets so ridiculous ("We will die to preserve our bananas!!!"). Finally 9:00 AM rolled around, it was time to watch the parade, which is a misleading name, because it isn't really a parade so much as a long chain of high school marching bands and off-off-broadway casts singing badly, intercut with Katie Couric and Matt Lauer sniping at each other. Oh boy! It turns out, by the way, that they named the Honey Nut Cheerios bee. They named it "Buzz Bee". I remind you again that this is all true. After four hours of delightful parade watching, the rest of my extended family showed up. At this point I'm going to switch to a diffrent format so I can better keep track of what happened. First there was a conversation between Mike and Garen. It turned out Garen had brought THREE PlayStation RF adapaters, but no A/C adapters, so we couldn't use the PlayStation. Mike was extremely upset and proceeded to yell at Garen for a while. Then his mom yelled at him. Me and Ben were somewhat distraught, since we faced the prospect of five hours with nothing to do. Then we had an argument. Argument: Is Bush stupid? Side A: Me, ben Side B: Mike Side A's argument: Bush is stupid. Side B's argument: You're all gay. Side A's argument: He can't even speak english. Side B's argument: It's like ten against one here. Side A's argument: There's only two of us. Side B's argument: Shut up. I'm not talking about this. After this stimulating exchange, Mike declared that me and Ben "Might as well live in Canada, since you're so close." Yes, just a fun four hours by car to Canada! Then we got into another argument. Argument: Does Canada Suck? Side A: Me, ben Side B: Mike Side A's argument: No. Side B's argument: Any place that isn't America sucks. Then Mike declared that I "Might as well be a fucking Canuck", and Ben said "Oh! The F-bomb!" then we had a pointless discussion about the merits of saying "F-bomb" instead of saying "fuck". Then Ben noticed I was wearing all black, "except for your underwear". I admitted to wearing Hello Kitty panties. Garen said "You're wearing pants?!" [Addenendum: Before you ask, no, I do not wear Hello Kitty panties.] Then we sat for a few mintues and decided we should go look for an A/C adapter. We piled into Mike's van, and he put on Billy Joel's "Glass houses" at a volume that probably brings back memories for those who experianced the first crude atomic bomb blast. After 20 or so minutes of reckless driving, we astertained that everywhere except the movie theater was closed. Mike missed Ben's scarcastic comment that "I bet Nick loves billy joel. He's a HUGE billy joel fan". Then we drove back to my grandmother's house. The second I sat down, another argument started. Argument: Is my hair dyed? Side A: Ben Side B: Me Side A's argument: That's dyed. Nobody has hair that natrually dark. Side B's argument: If I was going to dye my hair, I wouldn't dye it boring black. Side A's counter-argument: It's dyed. You're not a fucking eskimo. After pondering what exactly being an eskimo had to do with anything, we sat and watched football while Clare and TPAS played Sorry! and generally acted pretentious. I could tell the male of them was just aching to go "Look! I HAVE MISMATCED SOCKS!! I AM A GENIUS!!!". After that, Mike thought that mabye playing football would be an good excuse to beat up Garen with a pretense. So we (Me, mike, garen, and ben) went outside for some extremely cold football, which wasn't so much football as the three of us chasing Garen around and him screaming. After our legs lost all feeling - mabye 20 minutes - we went back inside, at which point it was time for another argument. Argument: Am I gay? Side A: Me Side B: Ben Side A's argument: No. Side B's argument: No straight males can own a Hello Kitty telephone. You're gay. At this point Clare and TPAS decided, for some reason, that it would be fun to go to Jones Beach, even though it was 45 minutes away, below freezing, and they had no jackets. Ben couldn't drive them because he'd had four beers ("Nick really wants me to get drunk!") and so Mike had to drive them, with Ben along to give directions. Argument: Should I go with my older cousins to Jones Beach? Side A: Me. Side B: Clare, TPAS, Mike, Ben Side A's argument: It's cold. And there's nothing to do there. Side B's argument: Come on. Side A's counter-argument: No. Side B's counter-argument: Come onnnnnnn. Finally they sensed I'd rather stay at the house, so they left. Then I was left with my sister, Garen, and the two horrible screaming monsters (Alex and the Other Nick). Garen locked them in the 'blue room', which is apparently a prison cell with a bed and a window. Then he demaned we watch a episode of "Welcome Back Kotter" in which a student is interested in Kotter romantically! Oof! I hope we all learned a valuable lesson!! I stole the remote from him, and watched three hours of terrible Saturday Night Live re-runs ("Hulk make same joke over and over again!"). Then Mike and Ben returned for one last argument. Argument: Do gay people have the right to not be shot on sight? Side A: Me, Ben, Clare, TPAS. Side B: Mike. Side A's argument: Yes. Side B's argument: God dosn't like gay people. Side A's counter-argument: If God hates gay people, why did he make them at all? Side B's counter-argument: You're gay. After that stimulating exchange, it was 5:00, which meant it was time to try to drag my mom away from the rest of the family. First I got ambushed by one of my uncles or grand-uncles or someone who was a back doctor and told me I'd have crippling back pain by the time I was 40 because of my posture. YAY! Finally we all piled in the car, and four hours of tedious conversation ("Nick, never get in a car if you think the person driving will crash the car and kill you") we finally arrived home, which meant it was time to unload the approximitly 35,000 pounds of shit my family brought back into the house. Then I checked my mail and saw Japanesesnacks.com sent me a snippy letter telling me I should shop somewhere else because I'd asked when they were FINALLY going to get Meltykiss in. GREAT! Then, finally, I went to bed. OO! And that's the end. HO HO HO ========================================== SUPER BONUS "NOT REALLY THE END" SECTION!! ========================================== I so moved Stryker X with my account that he told me this: "i noticed the plastic cap off my razor. upon questioning, my sister told me she had used it for her legs. i commented that at least it wasn't her pits. i then examined the razor and commented it smelled like deodorant. she admitted to shaving her pits with it. you may want to cut and paste this for posterity. i stated my disapproval and told her that i'd used her curling iron on my pubic hair. my mother was somewhat shocked and commented 'well you can really tell you've been rooming with boys!' to which i replied 'would you prefer i roomed wiht girls?'. she said 'in a few years, yes.' i pointed out that 'girls' is plural. she clarified 'you'll be married, and have daughters'. [NOTE: Give him a break. He's christian.] i pointed out that it wasn't quite how it had sounded. still annoyed, i innocently asked my sister which toothbrush was hers. she told me. i then opened the toilet, called my sis, and loudly dropped in a wet kleenex as i closed and locked the bathroom door. she yelled in fear that i had dropped her toothbrush down the john. i then flushed the toilet. my sister was yelling rather loudly from outside that dad was going to get me if it stuck in the toilet. i decided to tell her her toothbrush was safe. ~the end." SHINE ON, GENTLE SIR! And Austen was also touched in a area normally covered by a bathing suit so much that he added this: "MY ADD ON Slowly, I eased my purple headed warrior into her virgin twat. She bit her lip as a busted through her hymen then shouted HELLO I HAVE CRABS" LA LA LA, GUY ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Contact Information ___________________________________________________________________________ ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ WrexSoul http://redrival.com/salamando/misc/index.html?load=wrexsoul wrexsoul@salamando.net ICQ: 902240 AIM: WrexSoulll (usually inactive) \/. vvv Evk X Damascus http://redrival.com/salamando/misc/index.html?load=evk evk@salamando.net ICQ: 11029633 AIM: ArchEvk (always inactive, unless @ skool) Rotting in the Gulag