ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
             ,-¨-.    ___________________________________________________
       _____ |¨-¨|  /¨.-------------------------------------------------.`\
    _=¨_____¨=_  |  ||  Sal Stove December Bonus!      Cost:  250 GP     ||
   /  /¨|¨|¨\  \ |  ||              Oil Soaked: Avoid Fire               ||
   \_ \_|_|_/ _/=|  ||     Salamando's Stove December Issue Addendum:    ||
  / ¨=_______=¨ \   ||                                                   ||
 |_    ¨¨¨¨¨    _|  ||         HOW TO BE AN ANGSTY TEEN - PART 1         ||
( ¨==_//¨¨/\\_--¨ ) ||                                                   ||
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ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
                         How To Be An Angsty Teen
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ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
Before I start, I'd like to forgive the earlier Salamando's Stove Issue 6 
email.  When I sent it I didn't notice that either ListBot or Satan
converted all of the " quotes to something ugly like IJ EVERY FUCKING
TIME.

I would like to apologize on behalf of myself and the American people.

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                            CRANK UP THE ANGST
ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ


~./$<:+"/(&={ 1. MY LIFE SUCKS }=&)\"+:>$\.~
~~ An Introducion to Being an Angsty Teen ~~

	Is life getting you down? Are your parents being jerks? Feel like nobody
understands you? Need an excuse to put on black makeup and dog collars?
Well, look no further!  Let's join hands and sing as EvkWrex Productions
present HOW TO BE AN ANGSTY TEEN, the most comprehensive guide on being a
rebel to society and making everyone hate you.

~~~~~~~~ A: I HATE ALL YOU FUCKERS ~~~~~~~~~

Remeber, the key to being an angsty teen is, of course, angst.  And you
can't be angsty without hating people.  An angsty teen must never run
short on a list of people who piss him or her off, because as you know,
society is out to get them.  Here's a general list of who to vent your
angst at:

Your parents (fucking rents)
The government (the fucking man)
Policemen (the fucking pigs)
Popular people (fucking trends)
The Church (fucking god-fags)
The Media (fucking liberal media)
Corporate America (fucking cappies)
Society (the fucking patriarchy)
People who picked on you (fucking assholes)
Anybody who looks at you funny (fucking faggots)
That guy down at the 7-11 (fucking skank-ass ho)
Anybody over 25 who isn't in The Cure (fucking fuckers)

This list is by no means comprehensive, but in particular, never get along
with your parents. If your dad says "The Holocaust was bad because a lot
of people died," argue with him just on principle. Remember: Your parents
are the enemy, and are never, ever right. Ever. However, this dosn't mean
that you can't hit them up for money. If they won't give you any, steal
it. I'm sure you know where it is by now. We'll get to some of the more
advanced techniques, like sex to piss off your parents, later. 

Other than that it's good to know as little about WHY you hate these
people as possible.  If people don't agree with your anger toward a
particular group of people, just get even angrier and frustrated that
"everyone else are cattle, and [I'm] all the only one who isn't blinded by
what They tell you."  If they try to argue it, be sure to reply that
"that's what they want you to believe and you fucking bought it."  Then
leave as soon as possible.  If, however, people agree with you, just say
fuck a lot and go back and forth agreeing that "those fucking bitches
should back the fuck up off us."

~~~~~~~~ B: YEAH IM FUCKING ANGSTY ~~~~~~~~~

Now that you know who to be angsty against, how exactly does one achieve
the state of angst?  How do you display your hatred toward society?  Do
you sit in the corner and stare at other people?  No, you have to make
your angst KNOWN.  And there are several ways of doing that:

1. Loudly shout your hatred
2. Cross-dress
3. Express yourself
4. Hang with fellow angsty souls
5. Roleplay White Wolf games
6. Pretend to be insane
7. Listen to Nine Inch Nails

Of course, this is a very small list, but it all boils down to living a
shattered family life, a broken and distrustful social life, and trying to
"express yourself" through various means.  But most of all, you can't
enjoy a moment of your life.  You can feel nothing but bitter, seething
hatred for your fellow man, assuming you consider yourself the same
species.  Also a handful of denial and overactive imagination helps too.
But you can't just go out in your Cargos and Spaghetti-straps and be an
angsty teen.  No, you need the right equipment.

~~~~~~~~ C:  FUCKING WANNABE POSERS ~~~~~~~~~

Now that you've committed yourself to becoming an angsty teen, you need to
get the right equipment.  Part of this is up to you, as you need the
freedom to 'express the way you feel,' but you need a step in the right
direction. Before attempting any of the steps in this manual, first you
must acquire the 'bare essentials.'  Here is a rough list that should
serve you well for starters:

1. Several black T-shirts.
   a. Plain black t-shirts you sew/draw your own designs on
   b. Shirts promoting Lenord Cohen, Dark City, or your favorite movie/band
   c. Shirts with 'funny' sayings on them like "I'm smiling because they
haven't found the bodies," or "You're just jealous because the voices talk
to ME."  Any shirts that infer that you're either crazy or a murderer are
good.
2. Combat boots.  Your choice
3. A trench coat
4. Several issues of 701 or other 'hacker' journals to leave laying around
your room so people will see them when they walk in.
5. Piercings in your ears at least twice for each ear, and 3 non-ear
piercings
6. A black eye-liner pencil. This is good for any situation because it can
be used in a jam for eye shadow, lipstick, and face-design.
7. A knife or sword, or something you can intimidate people with.
Remember, guns are for fags.
8. Any book by Ann Rice, which you must memorize quotes from.  If you are
barely literate, you can also quote The Crow or Lost Highway.  Quoting
Maralyn Manson lyrics is good too.
9. Cloves, because only fucking losers smoke cigarettes, and cloves aren't
cigarretes.
10. Jewelry, especially pentacles, pentagrams, anhks, and eyes of Ra.

Now you have all you need to start your long and lovely journey down the
road of angsty teen.  Remember, keep it angry, because the world hates you
as much as you hate the world.  Never forget that YOU are the victim of
society.

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ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
                           Contact Information
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ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
WrexSoul        
wrexsoul@salamando.net
ICQ: 902240
AIM: WrexSoulll (Fuck you, dad!!!)
\/.
vvv

Evk X Damascus       
evk@salamando.net
ICQ: 11029633
AIM: ArchEvk (Like, can you feeeeel the darkness?)
Wasting my miserable life away in the Gulag