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 Super Wrestle Angels
I would like to annouce before this review gets underway that I don't actually know Japanese, which makes playing a game like this hard. Joke is me, isn't it? Also, joke is you indirectly, I suppose, since you have to read this. Unless you hit the back button. Go on, hit it! Can't do it, can you? WUSS!!!

Anyway, Super Wrestle Angel is another one of those freaky games that just makes you scratch your head or stare in Shock! ~ Amazement, in the vein of Miracle Girls. Admittedly, though, Super Wrestle Angels (SWA from now on) dosn't provoke the same level of open-mouthed shock. Instead, SWA has more of a creepy "What the hell is going on?" feeling the entire time you play it, until you finally turn it off feeling weird. Ah, such is the miracle of modern technology.
Which cluster of kanji do I want to be today?


Wrestling and cards. Why didn't anyone think of this combination sooner?
Anyway, here I am at the start of the third paragraph and you don't even know what type of game it is. From the title you would probably assume it is a wrestling game. Haha you'd be wrong. It is, in fact, a very confusing card game with a wrestling image grafted on the front end. The way the game works is, you turn it on, pick whichever cluster of indiscriminate Japanese symbols you want to be (don't pick the fat chick!), and then you get taken to the screen where the actual gameplay takes place.

Here you pick a card, which ranges from 2 to ace; however, they don't seem to have suits. Once the card is picked, you get a list of japanese characters. Pick a set, and your wrestler either performs the move or gets the tar beat out of her. Either way, you'll be left wondering just what the hell is going on. At least I was. If I understood the rules I bet I wouldn't. However, all I have been able to figure out is:

  • The highest card dosn't always win.
  • ZSNES looks a lot better in a higher resolution.
  • It's very hard to tag out.
  • I wish I knew Japanese.

What's going on?! Am I fighting a zombie?


I lost, you won, here's 15 points, now wasn't that fun?
In short, this is a fun game, sort of. If you're into chicks or into wrestling or both I think you should download it. Also, some of the chicks are pretty hot (Even though only thier little portrait is individual - the big pictures are all the same, just the pallettes swapped out). And one of them looks like that blond chick from Dragonball Z. Cyborg something, I think.

Also, if you want to teach me japanese, or you know how to play this game, or you know where I can buy a schoolboy uniform, please E-mail me.

Also, if you go to a chinese supermarket and you buy White Rabbits, MAKE SURE THEY ARE FRESH. Nothing is more disgusting than stale White Rabbits.

Also, if you have ZSNES, you can download the rom here. Get it. Try to figure it out. I sure as hell can't.

Part 2: The Screenshots

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Written by Evk and posted on 3-12-00.
This article is 2000 Nick Hammer.
Evk@salamando.net


 
Salamando's Stove is all a big ol' 1999-2000 Zach Francks and Nick Hammer.